Debunking Women’s Libido Myths

As we come into February, Valentine’s Day may loom in your mind. For many, Valentine’s Day is a great opportunity to connect with their partner and enjoy healthy, relationship-affirming sex; however, some women may be feeling some ambivalence about this day or even sex itself. I’ve seen many women who have issues with their libido—some of them quite young.  If you notice that your libido is in trouble, what it likely means is that your hormones are in trouble. If you know anything about me and what I practice, or if you have looked around on this blog, you know that issues with your hormones can be repaired if you’re willing to put in the effort. So if you’re experiencing a loss of libido, here’s what you need to know.

Your libido is what prompts your body to feel ready for and to desire sex. Sex is, biologically, your body’s way of reproducing and having children. So, if your hormones are experiencing imbalances, then your body may tell you not to have sex because getting pregnant would not be optimal. Think of it this way: if you’re exhausted all the time and experiencing high stress, would you want to bring a child into your life? Your libido—or lack thereof—may be trying to protect your body by “flipping that switch” off. Of course, with modern medicine, there are many options that women have for controlling when or how many times they become pregnant. But, in the most biological way, your libido is controlling it too.

So, how can we take control of our hormones to help repair libido? I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: the majority of your hormone receptors lie in your gut. If you want to restore your hormonal balance, you should start by working on your gut health. For many women, I suggest starting with a dietary change like going gluten-free or opting for a paleo diet. Controlling your eating is the number one way to take control of your hormones. Things like sugar, gluten, and artificial foods will all damage your gut health. Women can often get drawn in by diets or meal packages that include a lot of fake food, but real, whole foods are always better for you and your gut health.  Think of it this way – fake foods still have to be digested, but they are giving nothing in return so ultimately you are exhausting your body more and more with these.

The next thing you can do to help repair your libido and get your libido back is to shift your mindset. Women are often pulled in many different directions, from housework, to career concerns, to children, friends, and errands. Men, on the other hand, are typically more task-oriented when it comes to their minds. In order to fix your libido, you may need to just narrow your focus. This may include preparing your mind throughout the day and affirming that sex is a healthy, needful, and fun part of your relationship. Narrowing your focus will allow you to enjoy sex and appreciate the intimacy fully without having your mind wander to other topics.